kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
