Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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