Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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