it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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