Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
