my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
