Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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