textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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