yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
