dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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