Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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