The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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