Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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