i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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