I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
