Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
