This is not my ceiling
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
