Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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