I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
