the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
