Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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