I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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