Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
