If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
