break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I look better un-naked...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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