An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Your penis caused this!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
