You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
