her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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