Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
why is half of my head shaved?
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