you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
