i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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