yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
