i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
