I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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