I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
