You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
