Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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