Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
