she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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