Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
