I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
