"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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