U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
