i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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