theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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