I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
