Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
