I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
