At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
