I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
