just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
