I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
