I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
