God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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