is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
