so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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