So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
