i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
